Signs

I am a firm believer that God sends us signs to guide us in life.  Sometimes they are answers to prayers, sometimes warnings or wake up calls...sometimes just something to let us know He is there.  I also believe that the reason God does not give us a road map to His plans for us - a window into our futures, if you will - is because our desire to alter that plan may be so great that we cannot truly live.  Losing Jack has strengthened that belief.

Don't get me wrong, not a day goes by that I don't wake up asking why this happened and begging the Lord to please show me the map so I can see that there was, in fact, a reason our son had to leave us so soon.  But I always try to snap myself back from the why and pray that He open my eyes to the signs being sent my way to guide me to a place of understanding.  I don't believe I will ever understand why a happy, healthy boy must be asked to leave a loving home, while many other children are left here to suffer, but maybe when I join Jack in heaven someday (God willing, of course) I will see the roads created by his death.

For now, I am not ready to "see" what He has in store.  Maybe I am meant to get involved in a SIDS organization.  Maybe I am meant to help other bereaved parents and children.  Maybe I am meant to do nothing more than continue to be a mother (to hopefully several more children;)), wife, daughter, sister, friend...  I don't know.  At this moment in time I am just trying to get through the dark waters of death to a safer shore and trying to help my family do the same.

I will continue to believe in signs from above, as Jack has "shown" himself to us several times since he died.  We know he is safe in the arms of the Lord and loved ones who are anxiously awaiting the day we join them in heaven.  While this doesn't make the desperate longing to have him back in our arms go away, it does offer a sliver of comfort.  I hope all of you reading this open your hearts and minds to the signs God shares with you.  Like me, maybe you will miss some of them because you are looking or wishing for something else, but they are there.  If you follow what Proverbs directs ("Trust in the Lord with all your heart."), He will help open your eyes. 

BELIEVE ME, I, of all people, know trusting the Lord and His plan is not always easy, but we owe it to Him to try.  After all, despite the hardships, losses and disappointments life sends our way, we are all afforded so many blessings.  It's easy to get swallowed up in wants, could have beens, saddness and despair, but I am trying to see and be grateful for all of life's blessings (one of the greatest of which is sitting UNDER the table watching Dora right now as I type this) in the face of the greatest loss of my life.  Please remember to acknowledge and thank God for yours.  God Bless You ALL!!