Among the most difficult things we have had to deal with since Jack's death is watching Madelyn grieve. It is also, however, one of the most inspiring things to be a part of. The simple innocence with which children approach life's most difficult challenges is something we as adults could benefit from tapping into.
Madelyn has been talking about Jack a lot the last couple of weeks and has had some hard days of missing him and being sad. One night a couple of weeks ago was particularly tough as I held her for about a half an hour while she sobbed and just let out months and months of emotions she had been holding in.
Thankfully, the Lord guided me through and helped me speak the words she needed to hear because I was totally at a loss as to what to do to help her. As I tucked her in I asked her if she'd like to visit the cemetery to see Jack's space there. Sweetly, she calls it Jack's tomb and asks lots of questions about "the rock" and "who put it there" and if Jack is risen like Jesus at Easter. Cut to the title of this post...
We decided this past Sunday was a good day for a picnic. Maybe it's odd to have a picnic at the cemetery, but we didn't care. We packed up the car, picked up some sandwiches and headed to "Jack's tomb". You should know, I really dislike going to the cemetery. For one, I'm always disappointed in the condition of the grounds at the cemetery we chose, but more than that I just always leave feeling more empty than when I came. I never seem to find what I'm looking for - I think maybe in my head I feel like when I'm there I should feel closer to Jack, but I really never do. At any rate, here are some photos we snapped at our family picnic:
The weather was beautiful and my heart felt the most peaceful in that space than it has felt in any previous trips there. I wish there would have been someone there to get a picture of all of us. Maybe next time. It's bizarre that going to have a picnic at the cemetery would be such a great experience, but it felt like such an important step and I'm proud of all of us for making it. Madelyn asked a lot of questions. Some were hard to answer in a way that she would understand, but she just kept saying, "Oh I get it! It's like..." Did she always make the right connection? No. But in her head right now she gets it and as she gets older we'll explain it all again. She's communicating and healing and that's all we can ask right now.
Thank you to all who sent up prayers for Madelyn when she was hurting that night. Thank you to all who continue to think about and pray for us. Day by day we are getting stronger and life is slowly becoming ok again. The grief still hits us like a sledgehammer out of the blue sometimes (I mean, who knew that taking your baby to the dentist to have some stains polished off of his teeth could send you into a sad funk for the next three days?), but overall God is getting us through, just as He promised He would.
Madelyn has been talking about Jack a lot the last couple of weeks and has had some hard days of missing him and being sad. One night a couple of weeks ago was particularly tough as I held her for about a half an hour while she sobbed and just let out months and months of emotions she had been holding in.
Thankfully, the Lord guided me through and helped me speak the words she needed to hear because I was totally at a loss as to what to do to help her. As I tucked her in I asked her if she'd like to visit the cemetery to see Jack's space there. Sweetly, she calls it Jack's tomb and asks lots of questions about "the rock" and "who put it there" and if Jack is risen like Jesus at Easter. Cut to the title of this post...
We decided this past Sunday was a good day for a picnic. Maybe it's odd to have a picnic at the cemetery, but we didn't care. We packed up the car, picked up some sandwiches and headed to "Jack's tomb". You should know, I really dislike going to the cemetery. For one, I'm always disappointed in the condition of the grounds at the cemetery we chose, but more than that I just always leave feeling more empty than when I came. I never seem to find what I'm looking for - I think maybe in my head I feel like when I'm there I should feel closer to Jack, but I really never do. At any rate, here are some photos we snapped at our family picnic:
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| We looked up and saw this cloud shaped like a J :) |
The weather was beautiful and my heart felt the most peaceful in that space than it has felt in any previous trips there. I wish there would have been someone there to get a picture of all of us. Maybe next time. It's bizarre that going to have a picnic at the cemetery would be such a great experience, but it felt like such an important step and I'm proud of all of us for making it. Madelyn asked a lot of questions. Some were hard to answer in a way that she would understand, but she just kept saying, "Oh I get it! It's like..." Did she always make the right connection? No. But in her head right now she gets it and as she gets older we'll explain it all again. She's communicating and healing and that's all we can ask right now.
Thank you to all who sent up prayers for Madelyn when she was hurting that night. Thank you to all who continue to think about and pray for us. Day by day we are getting stronger and life is slowly becoming ok again. The grief still hits us like a sledgehammer out of the blue sometimes (I mean, who knew that taking your baby to the dentist to have some stains polished off of his teeth could send you into a sad funk for the next three days?), but overall God is getting us through, just as He promised He would.
Have you ever read the book "Tear Soup"? I was introduced to it by someone who works specifically with grieving children, and it's a great book on grief for anyone. I don't know how much Madelyn would get out of it directly, but it may help you help her process. (I think there's a copy at the public library.)
ReplyDeleteWith that said, Madelyn is strong and bright and you and your husband are capable, loving parents who are doing an unbelievable job of helping her through this, even as you grieve. Your family is such an inspiration to me!
Sarah Kidd
Thanks Sarah! Yes, now that you say that someone did tell me about that...I totally forgot though. I am going to look it up online - Madelyn loves books and we have several that have helped her through this. One is called "Dancing on the Moon" and it's pretty much our story to a T so she even asks me to change the names to "Maddie" and "Jack". Another is the children's version of Heaven is for Real. I think that one has really helped her get a glimpse into where Jack is so it's not so scary for her thinking he is all alone.
ReplyDeleteOh Annie! God bless you! I am in awe at how God is working through you right now. HIs power is mighty! and His grace is endless. Your family is too too sweet, and we will keep praying for you all. PS - Your hair is so hot right now. IN LOVE. :) Thanks for the update...love reading your posts. XOXO
ReplyDeleteI love reading your posts Annie. Madelyn is a true inspiration (like her mama) to all. This was just so sweet bringing your family to the cemetery, celebrating Jack's life. He too, knew you were there and sent you a little message in the clouds. When you go again, i would be honored to show up and snap some images of you and your family.
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