Speak Up!

Justin and I are currently in the process of finding child care for Sam when I return to work.  For obvious reasons, I knew this would be terribly hard, but the process has been much more difficult than I even anticipated.  While I thought sending him to a daycare center vs. an in-home setting would be easier, I'm realizing what I really already knew.  I loved having my kids in-home.  Patty's house is so cozy and I left them there every day just knowing they were loved.  There are still many, many options out there to consider, in-home and otherwise, and I could write an entire post about the inner turmoil I'm experiencing at having to even take on this task, but today I want to share a story with you that I hope will resonate and have an impact next time you are hesitant to speak up.

Last week, we toured a center recommended to us by good friends of ours.  I will tell you, it's a beautiful center, but when we toured the infant room, Justin and I saw some things that were very upsetting to both of us.  At least two babies were asleep on their tummies and another was in its crib with loose blankets.  Those of you with kids (should) know that both of these scenarios are big SIDS no-nos. 

I didn't say anything while we were there, but I did ask about SIDS certification and their policies and the director of the center explained that they are to put the children to sleep on their backs, but if the parents express a desire to put a blanket in the crib or allow the child to roll onto their tummy, the caregivers oblige.  I was trying so hard to fight back tears as my thoughts drifted to Jack that I just nodded and moved along, trying to process everything around me.

As my search continued, I remembered that my cousin, Coral, has been working very hard for a long time now for the State of Wisconsin to implement a site to assist parents in their search for childcare.  What a great site it is!!  The site is called YoungStar and can be found at http://dcf.wi.gov/youngstar/.  On this site not only can you search for childcare in your area and see its current rating, but you can also pull up the history of licensing violations over the past two years.  Do it for your current center and you might be shocked at what you find.  As safe sleeping is top of mind for us, I was absolutely appaled at the number of safe sleeping violations I saw.  As I continued my research, I found myself more and more disheartened and feeling completely defeated.

My mind went back to what we saw earlier in the week and I began to wonder why the policies were so lax.  I couldn't wrap my head around why childcare professionals wouldn't be advocates for safe sleeping.  Why wouldn't they educate the parents?  Why wouldn't they take a stronger stand to protect the children they care for?  Then Justin said something that made a light bulb go off in my head.  They've never had a child die there.  They've never experienced the tragedy of SIDS first hand.  They are simply blissfully ignorant, just as we were.  They don't think it's going to happen to them.  Neither did we.

Even considering this, I still wasn't sure I should even say anything.  Logistically, this center will probably not work for us anyway, so why put my energy into it?  And then, again, my husband opened my eyes when he said, "Annie, you might be able to save someone else's child."  Well, now I knew I had to say something.  Since it was Saturday, I would just call the director on Monday, tell her our story and ask her why their policies are the way they are.  Only, my worries started to consume me, so I got up early and drafted an email.  Here is an excerpt of what I wrote:

Justin and I were both left unsettled at the sight of several babies under the age of 1 sleeping on their tummies as well as babies sleeping with loose blankets in their cribs.  I understand that there should be some degree of parental dictation of how their children are cared for, but what I'm having trouble understanding is why a child care center would not be a vocal advocate of safe sleeping practices.  Can you give me a little more knowledge of what exactly the SIDS certification training process entails?  It seems to me that true SIDS certification would demand that children sleep on their backs in sleep sacks, regardless of what parents dictate.  As professionals in childcare, wouldn't you agree that it's your duty to educate parents who may not be as aware of safe sleep practices as your caregivers are?  Please also understand that we do not have experience with sending our children to a daycare center, but we would expect care providers in a setting like yours to refuse to allow blankets and tummy sleeping as they are known risk factors for SIDS.  I bring this up only in an effort to keep children safe and as the parent of a child who consistently slept on her tummy with her tushy in the air from the time she was about 9 months old, I understand it is sometimes difficult to keep children from rolling.  But I also feel that when they do roll, they should be rolled back over, especially if they are very young.  I do not mean to attack you or your center as I have only heard wonderful things.  I'm just trying to understand how this all works and if our experience can make an impact and change thinking and practices that save even one child, that is all we want.  As child care providers, we urge you to refuse to do anything that is known to increase risk to a child.  I'm sure no one there has ever experienced the death of a child on their watch and we pray they never do, but please know that by allowing babies under the age of 1 to sleep on their tummies or to sleep with loose blankets, you are increasing that risk.

A couple of days went by before I got a response.  In fact, I had just started to assume she was insulted by my challenge and chose to ignore me.  I should note, this particular person has only been the director of this center for two weeks, so I knew that she had probably just walked into these policies and past violations, but I also hoped that being new she might be more open to my input.  It turns out she was.  After hearing our story, the center will be changing some of their infant sleep policies.  Here is a portion of the email I received back:

I did have some time to read through your email and ponder what I could do to make you feel more comfortable and at the same time, educate our current families.  I think that in a child care setting, we often find ourselves accommodating to the demands of some families in an effort to “keep them happy”.  In my past experience, I have not been willing to accommodate certain demands because it compromised our policies and/or compromised the health and safety of the children.  We never want to give families a negative impression of us but I do completely understand your concerns because of the tragedy you have experienced. 

Currently, the SIDS training implemented by the State of Wisconsin is reading through a pamphlet and signing off that you understand.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but the pamphlet goes into great detail about how babies should be put to bed, what to do if using a blanket (tucking the blanket under the mattress) and what not to do to prevent SIDS.  Unfortunately, some families prefer their child to sleep with a blanket or a special lovey, so re-training them is not always easy.  But, you are right, we should be able to dictate what goes on in our center.

As the new Director, this is a great time for me to implement changes.  I know that many families here are anticipating what I’m going to do next.  I had thought about sending out a parent survey in the next few weeks.  Hearing directly from customers is a great way to learn what we need to improve on.  After reading your email, I decided that I am going to make an age-specific survey for infant parents.  I am going to include a section on SIDS and mention that we are going to move away from using blankets and only allow sleep sacks—I will also include some questions to ask about their feelings on that.  I want the parents to feel involved and able to give their input but I have made the decision to make a change.

We will also be providing a more in-depth training on SIDS at our next staff meeting.  All of our staff have read through the State Licensing SIDS pamphlet but now is a great time for a review.  I am going to include all staff in this training review and inform them about changing to only allowing sleep sacks.  We are requiring parents to send in a doctor note if their child needs to sleep in any other way than on their back in a crib.

I replied to her email offering to attend her staff meeting to share our story and what I have learned about SIDS since Jack's death, if scheduling allows.  As I have said many times before, I'm not sure what God's plan for me is in all of this, but if this is it I am open to the task.  Even by following safe sleeping practices to a T, we will likely not eradicate SIDS, but if my speaking up saves even one life, I will share our story as many times as I am asked...and more.

Now, I challenge all of you to speak up, even when you are afraid to do so.  Even if it's not a matter of life and death, if it's important to you, SPEAK UP!  Think of all of the people who have made a difference in this world just by opening their mouths - one of which many of you have to thank for a day off of work yesterday (that's Dr. MLK, in case you didn't catch that;)).  You have a choice.  You can sit there and think your voice doesn't matter, or you can speak up and prove that it does.